Blacksheep Speaks

Prison Letters, Part Three

Mom,

I never got around to giving you the full story on what happened the night I moved to 1K. It was interesting, in a masochistic sort of way.

I got off the phone with you in a hurry because, appropriately enough, the guard was yelling "HURRY!" So, I hurried and hung up the phone, hurried and packed all my belongings (which took about 5 minutes), hurried to put my things by the barracks door......then hurried to sit on my butt for 2 hours waiting for them to call me out. I was SO glad I hurried.

When I and all my worldly belongings finally made it to 1K, I was greeted by about 30 women, all eagerly yelling "Yo! What room you in?!" When I answered "1124", a collective gasp ran through the crowd, and 2 or 3 people quickly crossed themselves. Not one to be easily dismayed, I proceeded to lug all my junk to room 1124. When I got there, nary a roommate was in sight. I suppose the notebooks on the desk, covered with drawings of skulls, should have told me something. Still blissfully ignorant, I proceeded to put my things away and make my bed. When I finished getting my part of the room in order, I dug out a box of fudge brownies I had been hoarding and ate one. About this time, the guards let back into the barracks all of the mentally challenged persons who had braved the heat to go out to the recreation yard (yes, we actually DO have late night rec sometimes). A low murmur began to be heard throughout the cell block. I later determined that the more pious individuals had begun to recite last rites for the soon-to-be-dead. I suppose that it should have occurred to me that I was probably the one they were praying for. Shortly, I heard a low thwomping headed my way. At the time, it crossed my mind that the guards were certainly remiss in their duties, what with their apparently having admitted a bull moose into the cell block and all. I did wonder how the bull moose was managing to climb the stairs......

Suddenly, a shadow darkened my room. As I looked up in terror, brownie crumbs still on my chin, my eyes beheld the biggest, scariest individual I have ever seen in my life. A quick assessment told me that no, that was NOT fat, she really DID have the muscle to squash me like a mosquito.

She leaned against the door frame, a slight frown darkening her brow. With mighty

concentration, she boomed forth the words, "Who you?!?!?" I tried to answer, but only a squeak came out. Gulping, I tried again, managing to introduce myself as her new roommate. She very companionably rumbled back, "Don' wan' no roomy." Quickly assessing the situation, I decided to attempt further conversation. I slowly raised my hand and squeaked, "Want a brownie?" She stared at me in utter disbelief for quite some time. In fact, my upraised hand was beginning to fall asleep. Finally, she thundered, "You soun' like you offerin' food to a critter so it won' kill ya." Never one to lie when my life is on the line, I said, "Yes Ma'am." Her mouth dropped open. Then a slow grin spread across her face and, taking the brownie, she said, "Girl, you awright." Her friendly box on the arm sent me reeling, and I surmised that I would in fact live another day.